


Your flames, They burn me

by Cresilia



Category: NCT
Genre: Angst, Bday fic for one of my bestest oomf, Heartbreak, M/M, a lot of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 06:52:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16614020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cresilia/pseuds/Cresilia
Summary: Relationships. Mark experienced lots of disappointment and heartbreaks with his previous relationship. And maybe when he thought he was over it, he really wasn’t and now everything is turning into a toxic mess.Inspired by Tame Impala - Love/Paranoia





	Your flames, They burn me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lucchan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucchan/gifts).



> Happy Bday Mari~ Hope youll like this xD   
> Thank you for being one of my close friends and for being one of the people that makes the lumark nation alive.  
> I hope you enjoy your big day and always stay safe and healthy.  
> Oof-

_Relationships._ Mark experienced lots of disappointment and heartbreaks with his previous relationship. And maybe when he thought he was over it, he really wasn’t and now everything is turning into a toxic mess.

Lucas… His current boyfriend, oh so loving and gentle, warm like the flames from the fireplace but Mark knows flames can burn him. Just like _he_ did, taking away Mark’s firsts and then burning down the bridge of their relationship leaving Mark completely burnt out and his heart turning to ashes.

Mark knows that Lucas- His Xuxi is different but when he closes his eyes, the nightmare and paranoia sinks in. It feels like a never-ending curse that eats up Mark from the inside. He opens his eyes, frantic and searching, His hands reaching out beside him and finding a calm sleeping Lucas. Mark wraps his arms around Lucas and tucks the other’s head in his chest.

“Xuxi- Don’t leave me.” Mark chokes out quietly as he tries to contain his sobs. Because no matter how much Mark wants to forget and start anew. The curse chases him like a wildfire ravaging the peaceful forest, burning everything in its wake. And maybe Mark just wants to burn, so that the prickling sensation and stabs in his heart would stop.

Mark feels Lucas wrap his arms on his waist and pulls him closer. The warmness that radiates from Lucas sends Mark to drift into sleep. Forgetting about the flames chasing him, even just for a while.

 

* * *

 

“Baby? Rise and wake up sunshine.” Mark wakes up to Lucas grinning over him and it makes him smile.

“Xuxi~” Mark whines when Lucas starts peppering him with kisses everywhere. It makes his heart want to burst from so much happiness, makes him feel so overwhelmed. Mark starts crying and Lucas looks so shocked, he then pulls Mark into his embrace and calming the other down.

“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Lucas looks so worried and Mark pulls out of the embrace and looks at Lucas’ face lovingly.

“I love you so much, Xuxi. Don’t leave me okay? Promise me.” Mark looks at him desperately and Lucas pulls Mark in a kiss, so hot, searing. Burning hot but gentle and Mark kisses back eagerly.

“I love you so much too. I won’t leave you, I promised you that didn’t I? And I always keep my promises right, Mark?” And Mark nods pulling Lucas back, kissing him fervently.

Lucas then pushes Mark down the bed. His hand coaxing the other and Mark moans, everything was too much. Like a candle melting because of the burning flame that is Lucas. Is it bad that Mark just wants to succumb and give everything to Lucas?

Both arousals rubbing together, desperate kisses being shared, clothes discarded thrown on the floor, and harsh red marks marring Mark’s pale skin. Lucas may be a flame, but Mark is like a moth, so desperately drawn to him. So foolish and needy, not caring whether he might burn or not.

“You’re so perfect for me Babe, you fit right here with me. So beautiful.” Lucas suddenly relents and lightly leaves trails of kisses on Mark’s abdomen to his thighs, basking in Mark’s moans that fills the whole room. It makes Lucas smile fondly, how the other has so much raw emotions that it stirs Lucas’ own.

 

* * *

 

Mark feels giddy, It’s already his and Lucas’ first year anniversary. His boyfriend deserved everything in the world in his eyes. He couldn’t ask for any other person, because Lucas always made him feel like he was the only one in his world. How he looks at Mark like he is his everything, Mark thinks it’s the other way around.

But things don’t always go perfect, because something so fragile is always ready to break- How Mark can easily break. Love… It’s Mark’s weakness, the constant doubt and fear turning him into someone he doesn’t want to be.

Mark knows he shouldn’t feel jealous, knows that he should have more trust in Lucas, but when he sees the girl lean close to Lucas. The urge to rip her off and slap her invades his thoughts but it was pushed back when Lucas sees him and excitedly runs towards him. The girl forgotten he pulls Lucas in a deep kiss, it turns heated and they were making out in front of the school for all people to see.

“Babe! I missed you so much!” Lucas pulls away and pulls Mark into a tight hug, Mark looks over Lucas’ shoulder and sends the now annoyed girl a smirk. ‘Stay away from my boyfriend, you bitch’ Mark slowly mouths the words at her and she fumes clearly getting the message.

“Happy 1st year anniversary, Xuxi…” Mark shyly says, the smirk now gone as he stares lovingly into Lucas’ sparkling round eyes.

 

* * *

 

It gets worse as time passes by, Mark tries to ignore the nagging feeling. The evil voices whispering insecurities in his head and clouding his mind.

‘Why would Xuxi stay with you? You’re just some boytoy he keeps around’

“That’s not true! Xuxi loves me!” Mark screams at his reflection in the mirror. The voices do stop and Mark couldn’t stop shaking. ‘It’s not real. Don’t let it get to you minhyung…’ Mark breathes in and out, trying to calm himself down.

He fails and then slumps down the floor, Everything he tried to so hard to forget coming at him like thousands of knives piercing him until he can no longer breathe.

“Baby? Are you home?” A deep voice calls out and Mark runs to the other’s location, jumping onto the taller man. Lucas looks at him worriedly and Mark feels so sorry, why is he like this? Why does he always make his Xuxi worried?

“I’m so sorry, Xuxi- Please forgive me. I wont do it again I promise.” Mark says incoherently that Lucas can barely make out some words.

“Don’t say sorry, Baby. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Lucas comforts the smaller boy, he wonders why the other is saying sorry when he didn’t do anything.

‘Im sorry for doubting you… Im sorry for being so insecure and jealous.’ Mark thoughts as he bites down his lips to prevent himself from sobbing harder.

 

* * *

 

Then it came crashing down, their worst fight, Mark ignoring and putting up his walls when he was so affected. It happened during one of Lucas’ friends’ party and he saw one of their friends posting a short clip of Lucas intimate with his best friend. He was jealous and scared that Lucas would leave him for another person. Mark rushes to the party, barging in and looking frantically for his boyfriend. He couldn’t help himself when Lucas’ bestfriend started grinding on him and Lucas was reciprocating it. Mark stomps over towards them, pushing Lucas’ friend away.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Lucas says out of spite after coming to the realization that Mark pushed his best friend. Lucas then turns and helps his best friend back up and checking if he was hurt.

“What the fuck is wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Why are you doing those things with another person knowing you have a boyfriend?” Mark’s eyes flashes with hurt and he tries to hold back his tears. His chest felt tight- too tight that he’s finding it hard to breathe, tears stinging his eyes.

“I’m just having fun with my best friend, Mark. I-“ Lucas explains with a sigh but then stops midway when he notices his boyfriend’s state. Mark looked so hurt and betrayed, his beautiful face in pain and eyes glistening with tears, Lucas then regrets his words and actions. He shouldn’t have screamed back at Mark, knowing how the other was easily hurt.

“Fine! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!” Mark turns back and runs away as fast as he can outside the party. Tears now running down his face nonstop, he trips on a rock and his knees got scraped and started bleeding.

“I’m an idiot. When will you ever learn Lee Minhyung.” Mark hits his head repeatedly and a hand grabs his arm to stop him from hitting himself. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry for getting mad and screaming at you.” Lucas managed to catch up with him and he pulls Mark into his embrace. Mark stubbornly bites his tongue and ignores the other.

“Please don’t ignore me. You know how I love you so much right?” Lucas tries to get the other to reply to him.

“I’m not sorry for what I’ve done. I- I can’t trust you anymore, Xuxi.” Mark says softly- he sounds so broken and Lucas wants it to end, seeing his lover so broken just makes his heart hurt more.

“Mark, please. I’ve only fucked up once please give me a chance. God damn it!” Lucas’s start to water, it stings. And Mark looks at him, giving him a smile that looks desperate.

“It’s not you who fucked up, Xuxi. Its always me. Always my fault. I’m sorry for hurting you and acting like a bitch.” Mark manages to choke out and he pulls away from Lucas’ hold. Lucas is already like a wildfire that spread out, Mark wanting to tame him, but he knew the other need so much freedom to shine brighter.

 Mark decides to let go, because he loves Lucas and the sanity, he has left in him want to let go of the other. Mark is not that cruel to put his Xuxi into a situation where he knows the other would not be happy with. Because Mark is a ball of insecurities and jealousy, a monster made from love’s negative emotions.

“I don’t want you to be with me when I’m the one being eaten up by insecurities, the one always doubting, I know I could trust you but no matter what I do… I always end up questioning your loyalty to me.” Maybe breaking up was a solution after all. And maybe Lucas would be happier without him in his life.

And just like that, Mark steps out from the field, out of their relationship, and out of Lucas’ life. If Lucas is a wildfire then Mark is a hurricane, leaving broken things at his wake and leaving everything destroyed.

 

And Maybe Lucas and Mark weren’t meant to be together.

 

Fin?

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 months later

 

Mark walks barefooted on the beach where Lucas confessed to him. The past few months he spent away from Korea as he tried to repair his damaged self. Now he knows he’s worth to be loved, yet his heart aches, longing for a tall dumb giant that took a permanent space in his heart.

Mark sighs and smiles serenely, he was about to go back when he heard a familiar laugh. His head turns fast, and he sees Lucas, playing with a little boy. The boy looks at him and waves excitedly.

Mark clearly wasn’t ready to meet Lucas yet, the other lifts his head up smiling and then he looks at Mark with a shocked expression.

“Hey.”

“Um. Yeah.”

This was so fucking awkward.

“I- I need to go now. Bye little boy. And uh- bye to you too Xu- Lucas.” Mark then rushes to his car. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This day was not supposed to be like this.

 

* * *

 

The next time they saw each other was when Mark went on one of the blind dates his friend set up for him. He doesn’t remember the stranger’s name and excuses himself to the comfort room.

“How’s your date going?”

Mark looks at the mirror, surprised, Lucas was behind him.

“It’s going well.”

“I missed you so much. You completely disappeared.” Lucas was trying hard not to get angry at the other.

“I had to go back to Canada… I’m sorry for breaking up with you like that, Lucas.” Mark tries to stay calm.

“Is that all you can say to me, Minhyung?” Lucas clenches his fist, restraining himself from his desire to hold Mark in his arms again, to go back being his lover.

Mark stayed quiet. The silence is becoming unbearable.

“I’m happy now.” Mark lies, and he hurts Lucas again. Some things never does change.

“Well then that’s good. You’re happy now.” Lucas leaves, why did he even expect or have some hope that Mark would come back to him again.

He steps out of the restaurant, heading to the parking lot and he still longs for Mark. Why is it that he can’t move on like the other?

Mark was stupid. Very stupid. His heart betrays him, he still loves Lucas as much or if not as much then much more than before. ‘It’s too late… I already hurt him. I’ll just hurt him again.’ Mark thoughts to himself.

Mark ignores his heart’s desire, but who was he kidding? He turns his heels and headed outside, running fast to chase the other.

“Lucas- Xuxi! Wait!” Mark pants out, this was bad. He shouldn’t have done this.

Hearing the other’s call Lucas goes to Mark and envelopes him in a hug, Mark still fits so perfectly in his arms. Like he belongs there.

“I’m sorry.” Mark chants as he reciprocates the hug.

“It’s okay, Minhyung.” Lucas says, and Mark’s heart is fluttering, like before when Lucas calls him that. And Mark thinks this isn’t bad at all.

“I’ll just go back inside and say sorry to-“ Mark pulls away.

“No. Just ditch him.” Lucas pouts at him and Mark flushes, Lucas is bad for his heart… in a good way.

“Stop pouting- My heart cannot take it.” Mark says and Lucas smiles teasingly.

“I love you, Minhyung. I always do. And if you think I’ll let go of you again, think again because I wont ever let you leave my side like I wont leave yours.” Mark tears up at that, because this is too overwhelming and there goes the tears again.

“Xuxi I- I love you too. Im so sorry for leaving you like that. I wanted to be someone better… for you.” Mark tears up and Lucas pulls him into a tight hug. Both shed tears for the time they spent away from each other.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Xuxi…” Mark looks at the person beside him with so much adoration and love. Should he kiss those plump lips?

“Hmm what is it babe?” Lucas replies groggily. Mark steals a kiss from a newly awakened Lucas and runs to the bathroom locking it. Lucas’ sleepiness was gone instantly as he realizes what the other has done. He jumps out the bed and knocks on the bathroom door.

“Babe! Come out of there. You sly sly fox.” Lucas was about to turn to leave for the kitchen when the bathroom door opens, and he gets tackled to the ground.

“I love you so so much.” Mark giggles as he gives Lucas lots of kisses on his face.

“I love you too, Minhyung-ah.” Lucas then pulls Mark down and hugs him tightly.

“Um were still in the floor, Xuxi.”

“And whose fault is that?”

Mark continues to giggle, and Lucas just wants to stay like this forever- well except the floor part.

 

 

 


End file.
